All the scripts I have presented in "Sleep Talk" have certain themes in common:

• Love for your child
• Respect for your child's individuality
• Pride in your child's accomplishments
• An awareness of appropriate limits and expectations at different stages of your child's development
• A sense that you, as a parent, are entitled to needs and feelings of your own

You may have all the love in the world for your child, but there are times when you may need help. Here is an actual example:

Melanie asked for help with her daughter, Kelly, a second grader, who was having trouble with shyness. Kelly did not participate in class. When she answered a question, she held her head down and would not look at anyone. Also, she isolated herself on the playground.

I wrote a script on shyness, so that Melanie could encourage Kelly to be more assertive, to raise her hand in class when she knew the answers, and to participate with her classmates on the playground.

A week later, Melanie phoned to tell me that she had received a call from the teacher, who reported that Kelly was doing very well and participating in and out of class. She urged Melanie to keep doing whatever it was that she was doing to support Kelly. Melanie continued to read the script to Kelly every night.

Three months later, Melanie phoned me again saying, "Lois, we need a new script for Kelly. I am getting behavior slips from school indicating that she is now talking too much and bossing everyone around. I think we need some balance here!"

We created a new script for Melanie to read to Kelly each night for five nights in a row, skip two nights and repeat for five nights. This new script did what we hoped. Kelly was still able to express herself in class and on the playground, but she began making different choices about when to speak and what action to take.

For years now I continue to get good reports about Kelly. The love Melanie expressed for her daughter was combined with a strong sense of respect for Kelly's ability to adjust her own behavior in appropriate ways. The scripts Melanie used changed as needed but the responsibility for behavior and the choices remained Kelly's.

An Example

A mother, Kristine, asked me to write a "Sleep Talk" script for her seven-year-old daughter, Dana, who was a member of her class soccer team. The team had scored no goals at all halfway through the season, and even though Dana was a good athlete who loved the game, she was discouraged. She was neglecting her homework and her grades had gone from above average to mediocre.

I wrote a script for Kristine to read to Dana expressing her love and pride in Dana's ability to succeed in school and on the soccer field.

After only a few days of "Sleep Talk", Kristine told me she could see a change in
Dana's attitude. The girl seemed more confident, more focused. Kristine continued reading the script, and after two weeks, the team scored two goals in one game-both made by Dana. As her performance continued to improve, the coach moved Dana to center forward position, where she continued to excel. By the time the team made it to the second play-off game, Dana had become a star player, whom her teammates nicknamed "the Boot". Not only was she delighted with her achievements in soccer, but also her grades showed marked improvement as her self-confidence increased.

Over the years, her mother continues to read appropriate scripts to Dana. Dana's family was very proud, when she graduated from high school with honors and also at a banquet honoring her as the "Most Valuable Soccer Player in the County".